today i dreamed about you again, it was so nice to clear things out in my dream and hug you... but it felt so bad when i woke up in tears.

I give up.
And when i say i give up this time i really mean it.
I said that so many times that i think it lost the meaning but this time is real.
You know what? that 'little fight' in there was just a quick reminder about the person that i fell in love with last year. You know... the fights, the arguing and everything... when i read your comment the first thing i thought was "stupid asshole" and then i remember how we used to be and i smiled... because that was the character that u used to play when you loved me, and then the smile ran away because maybe now you're not playing anymore, now you really hate me, and you really want me to dissappear for ever. And i have to live with that you know? i have to move on knowing that one of the most precious persons that i will ever met don't wanna see me again ever in his life. It sucks... it really really sucks but i have nothing to do about it, it's not on my hands. You hate me, i miss you, end of the story.
Great, now im fighting against the tears, its like this huge burn into my chest, that grows and grows and it doesn't stop until i start crying. I don't want that, not anyomore... i don't deserve it i guess...
anyway, last year at this time i was missing you so much and crying for you... yes, on christmas. But a year later...is true, i miss you but i ain't gonna cry for you no more. So this is my last goodbye, with this songs you know too well.
goodbyeforever.

if they knew what i did with their boyfriends, they wouldn't laugh so loud.

"I'm so glad i deleted your cellphone number... because you were so close of getting a new message".

maybe if all the guys that i really liked during my whole life would know the kind of girl that i truly am, i'm so sure that none of the 3 would give me a chance. Now or then.
Because i show myself more simply that i am. I'm such a complicated scumbag. And i hate it, i hate it because... arj i hate it because everyone seems to be so happy and satisfied with their lifes and choices. And me?, i still question myself about so many things that i should have done, and some others that i shouldn't.
I hate it because i supposed to be happy now, i supposed to be fine.
I'm studing the career that i want, and i love it.
I got a new little brother and he's such a treasure.
I have the most amazing boyfriend that i could ever ask for.
I have the most amazing friends in the whole world.
I'm doing good in university.

Then... why am i feeling this way? like... if there's something missing in my life. I wish i could figure it out and get it to be complete and happy. But i dont know what it is. What the hell is missing in my life?.

It feels so awful.

"am i a bad person? because i can't find another explanation for this pain that i'm feeling, and no it's not because the last year situation, it's about every night when i'm alone"

Andrew Biersack~

"i never felt so jealous about someone so unattainable... but i can't fucking help it!. I feel like i'm in love with you!"